I appreciate deep conversations about shallow topics.
The guy who discovered milk must have been one weird fucking dude.
My thoughts on such things is:
Who first decided to circumcise themselves? like all they had was sharp stone, no pain killers and no antiseptics!!!!!
and also, WHY THE FUCK DID OTHER MORONS DO IT TOO?!
Just because Caveman Ogg decides to knap his knob, why the fuck would you want to as well instead of laugh at the nutter?
like lopping a bit off yer dick is such a fun fun thing that everyone wants to join in!
New outlook on life.
Instead of saying how many thousand dollars i make a year, im going to say how many dozen dollars i make a year, but pronounce it the same.
I MAKE EIGHT HUNDRED DOUZEN DOLLARS A YEAR.
How many dollars are in a douzen? :b
Take your normal number of dollars and divide by 12,but if you make too many douzens a year to properly speak it, express the number per a smaller, believable time frame.
2douzen dollars an hour sounds very impressive, yet is believable when you say, "but I only work as much as o need."
There was a time when Boheme and Rap City was my favorite band, even though the Wayne's World track was the only song I knew.
The only beneficial thing with those blue toilet cleaners is teaching my kids the basics of color theory.
Girls who won't take a cumshot to the face are real babies. So much so that they won't cry when they get Johnson and Johnson in their eye, but just one Johnson?
Sometimes, the closest a man will get to feeling like a woman is in the experience of wearing a witty t-shirt.
Perhaps the reason that some women are so enamored by men who vanish after one night stands during the stillness of sleep is due to their inherent ability to potentially move a sleeping infant without waking them.
Sometimes terrible people say amazing things that almost anyone can agree with. That doesn't make the observer a terrible person, it just extends the notion that life is a quirky experience.
“Life is like a mirror, if you frown at it, it frowns back; if you smile, it returns the greeting.”
This is a 2 part relatable.
Satire of leaving a woman in the night is that she wakes up because you pull your arm away.
Same is true with a baby, but 2 fold. They go to sleep on you, and you put them down, and they wake up screaming.
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I used to wear a pink shirt. My friends would always ask me about it. Why was I wearing it? I like pink shirts.
Pink is the color of Breast Cancer Awareness. All men should wear pink shirts, pink ribbons, support the cause. Breasts are a wonderful thing. I don't want them to go anywhere. I want them to stay right here. Fuck Breast Cancer. I'd prefer to fuck breasts, but I'll Fuck Breast Cancer in the tits.
Prostrate Cancer: Give it the Finger
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