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Thread: The one liners thread!

  1. #21

    Re: The one liners thread!

    How do you get a girl to fall in love with you? Burn down her house. Then rescue her. Girls love rescuers.

  2. #22

    Re: The one liners thread!

    HOw much do I love tomatoes?
    From my head To Ma Toes.

  3. #23

    Re: The one liners thread!

    is foie gras vegetarian if the duck it comes form lives?

  4. #24

    Re: The one liners thread!

    One day, the anti smoking "truth" commercials will encompass another drug.
    "i used to only do it once in a while. With friends. Everyone did it. It made me feel normal. I wasn't hurting anybody. But then, i couldn't go five minutes without having one. Every new room i walked into. Sometimes it wasn't just one. Or five. Now, i can't even use the bathroom without needing one. Even my most private moments have been changed by my addiction. "
    S E L F I E S ..... truth .....

  5. #25

    Re: The one liners thread!

    What if the Battle of Tippecanoe was really just a time when two dudes were in the same canoe, and due to a language barrier, Harrison couldnt figure out that he wasnt supposed to get out at the same time as Tecumseh?

  6. #26

    Re: The one liners thread!

    What if back in the medieval ages, children of working professionals huddled around one of their grandparents smithing chimneys playing a game called "sewers & steamcrafts" and spent all their time annoying their sewermaster by not leaving the imaginary Starbucks and instead, constantly hit on the imaginary baristas with lines like, "lemme buy you a frappucinno. You look like you could use a night calculating numbers on computer with a little caffeine."

  7. #27

    Re: The one liners thread!

    Backhoe: noun. A chick who won't do doggy.

  8. #28

    Re: The one liners thread!

    The problem with getting rid of acne is having to go back to bubble wrap.

  9. #29
    Poof make squid!
    Merrick ap'Milandra's Avatar
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    Re: The one liners thread!

    Falling asleep right when the central air heater turns on and starts blasting out of the vents with that warm dust smell is like skydiving into a lake full of slightly itchy warm wet black yarn without a parachute.
    For copyright purposes, all of my posts are covered under the "Do What The Fuck You Want To Public License"
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  10. #30
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    Re: The one liners thread!

    My buddy saw a couple potatoes on the corner and said one was a hooker. I asked how he knew and he told me that one of them had a sticker that said IDAHO.

  11. #31

    Re: The one liners thread!

    How does a hipster wish you a happy holiday?

    Wish a 'meh' . . . rry christmas!

  12. #32
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    Merrick ap'Milandra's Avatar
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    Re: The one liners thread!

    Quote Originally Posted by Tinthalas Tigris View Post
    How does a hipster wish you a happy holiday?

    Wish a 'meh' . . . rry christmas!
    Okay, that made me chuckle.
    For copyright purposes, all of my posts are covered under the "Do What The Fuck You Want To Public License"
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  13. #33
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    Re: The one liners thread!

    I love hash tables; I don't know how my computer manages such great deals though. Clusters in particular have virtually no ceiling on how much they can hit. I am a light weight though.

  14. #34
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    Re: The one liners thread!

    Spoiler for explanation:
    In the real world: a table of hash, the cannabis derivative which is more potent and more expensive monetary wise. In computing the hash table (also referred to as look up table, map, and some other things) datastructure which has the property of being the fastest way to retrieve data when implemented correctly which most any fresh off the boat programmer should be able to do when given the specifications of the algorithm. [1]

    [1] At least in the non-distributed implementation. The distributed implementation is more complex and I would not expect someone who has not had experience writing software that way to think of how to write that, especially for low level languages like C or Assembly. I would be insanely impressed if they intuitively grasped that.

  15. #35

    Re: The one liners thread!

    A boat is only a boat when it is in the water. When you take a boat out of the water it is no longer a boat. It is a trailer.

  16. #36
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    Re: The one liners thread!

    My four year old daughter just declared that: "An onion has never once hurt my feelings."

    It took me a moment to realize that she was referring to the fact that cutting onions tends to make people cry.
    For copyright purposes, all of my posts are covered under the "Do What The Fuck You Want To Public License"
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  17. #37

    Re: The one liners thread!

    Where is the division between an old grape and a fresh raisin?

  18. #38
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    Re: The one liners thread!

    Quote Originally Posted by Merrick ap'Milandra View Post
    My four year old daughter just declared that: "An onion has never once hurt my feelings."

    It took me a moment to realize that she was referring to the fact that cutting onions tends to make people cry.
    This is a good observation. That is an impressive demonstration of abstract thinking for a four year old. I foresee greatness in mathematics or linguistics ahead with the proper guidance and tutoring. Possibly the greatest woman programmer since Grace Hopper (to whom even the suspect mythos of Ada Lovelace holds no candle). [1] Time to start adding some F# and CAD modeling to her skillset, hopefully keeping her away from schools entirely as they will only hamstring progress. From there designing abstract machines. And then ruling the world with AI.

    [1] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Grace_Hopper

  19. #39

    Re: The one liners thread!

    I wonder why ghost busters wasnt filmed in boston. Boston Coasts make them feel good, right?

  20. #40

    Re: The one liners thread!

    Women always say that it's easier for men to lose weight. Of course it's easier for men to lose weight. We don't sit around on our asses all day, eating candy and junk food while watching soap operas.

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