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Thread: The one liners thread!

  1. #1

    The one liners thread!

    What if the lady from the land o lakes box were originally from a place called Calrissia?

    If a flock of seagulls flying overhead doesnt make you run for cover, just imagine they were Pegasuses.

  2. #2
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    Re: The one liners thread!

    The pegasus in mythology surprisingly does not have many stories that it is involved in despite it being cool as fuck.

  3. #3
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    Re: The one liners thread!

    Pigeons don't either, for the exact same reason.
    Well that's what you get for doing business with a time traveling economist. - Aennyil
    Let it go - this too shall pass. - OK Go

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    Re: The one liners thread!

    Quote Originally Posted by Grindel View Post
    Pigeons don't either, for the exact same reason.
    Horse Feathers!

  5. #5

    Re: The one liners thread!

    "Prepare for Lightspeed" would be a great name for a band that would open for a sell-out show for another band called "hyperdrive motivator" that is too wasted to play their set.

  6. #6

    Re: The one liners thread!

    Quote Originally Posted by Tinthalas Tigris View Post
    "Prepare for Lightspeed" would be a great name for a band that would open for a sell-out show for another band called "hyperdrive motivator" that is too wasted to play their set.
    So instead the backup band "Ludicrous Speed Go" came on and played their smash hit. "Gone to Plaid"
    "When you name your baby Jeeves...you've pretty much set up his career for life. You don't see many Hit Men, for example, named Jeeves. "Pardon me sir, but I must wack you now."
    — Jerry Seinfeld

  7. #7

    Re: The one liners thread!

    It must be pretty terrible to be a billionaire and wake up feeling like a million bucks.

  8. #8

    Re: The one liners thread!

    The revolution will not be captured in a selfie.

  9. #9

    Re: The one liners thread!

    If "wishing ill will" was instead said, "willin' ill" it would bring new meaning to feeling "willie nillie."

  10. #10
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    Re: The one liners thread!

    Quote Originally Posted by Tinthalas Tigris View Post
    If "wishing ill will" was instead said, "willin' ill" it would bring new meaning to feeling "willie nillie."
    That does not translate in my head with my minnesota accent.

    Where are you from again? I think I'm vowelling incorrectly for this.
    For copyright purposes, all of my posts are covered under the "Do What The Fuck You Want To Public License"
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  11. #11
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    Re: The one liners thread!

    I refer to the great Tommy Cooper:

    I'm on a whisky diet. I've lost three days already!
    For copyright purposes, all of my posts are covered under the "Do What The Fuck You Want To Public License"
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  12. #12
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    Re: The one liners thread!

    and speaking of comedians from across the pond, Billy Connoly, with a heavy glasgow accent:

    "My definition of an Intellectual is someone who can listen to the William Tell Overture without thinking of the Lone Ranger"
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  13. #13
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    Re: The one liners thread!

    What do you call an alligator in a vest ?
    Spoiler for Mwahaha:
    an investigator
    "Silver bullet solutions are rare, silver bullet sales commonplace"

  14. #14

    Re: The one liners thread!

    Quote Originally Posted by Merrick ap'Milandra View Post
    That does not translate in my head with my minnesota accent.

    Where are you from again? I think I'm vowelling incorrectly for this.
    Most people say my California accent is pretty traditional, but I know that I have some distinct mexican approaches to some pronunciations.

  15. #15
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    Re: The one liners thread!

    I've found that if I limit myself to just four large meals a day, I never lose a pound, ever!
    Nerkahia
    Retired 85 Wizard of Ascentia, The Nameless

    "Maybe if the Republicanoids weren't snorting coke off oil execs dicks, we could have had less dependancy on oil by now!!" - Silverblade-T-E

  16. #16
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    Re: The one liners thread!

    Thinking you're part of the BDSM community because you watched "50 Shades of Grey" is like thinking you're in a Wiccan coven because you watched "Hocus Pocus".
    For copyright purposes, all of my posts are covered under the "Do What The Fuck You Want To Public License"
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  17. #17
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    Re: The one liners thread!

    Quote Originally Posted by Merrick ap'Milandra View Post
    Thinking you're part of the BDSM community because you watched "50 Shades of Grey" is like thinking you're in a Wiccan coven because you watched "Hocus Pocus".
    I'm in a reluctant DS relationship with clients. I didn't want this, I didn't want any of this!

  18. #18

    Re: The one liners thread!

    I got a notification over facebook, today, for someone's birthday who I didn't know very well. I chose not to wish them a happy birthday. 2 hours later, facebook sent me another reminder that today was their birthday, and asked if I wanted to wish my friend a happy birthday.

    I unfriended them.

  19. #19

    Re: The one liners thread!

    When people meow at their cats, I often wonder if the cat is thinking, "their accent is so bad. I wish they would just talk to me in English."

  20. #20
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    Re: The one liners thread!

    Saw this on twitter:

    #QuotesToRuinAFistingSession "Into the garbage chute, Flyboy!"
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