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Thread: Tales from Techsupport

  1. #61
    Chair warmer, Sector 7G
    Alikat Astrae's Avatar
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    Re: Tales from Techsupport

    When I want something from a character table, I'll ASCII!

  2. #62
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    Re: Tales from Techsupport

    Boooo !

  3. #63
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    Re: Tales from Techsupport

    Newbie here.

    I love this forum. I was having a bad day, found this forum. This is perfect.

    Let's just say I will be here daily b/c these users here are golden ridiculous...seriously. I've got the type of user that will go all out to learn how to work the iphone, Ipad and any other toy but when it comes to work related applications, hardware capabilities..etc..their brains seem to go in the off position.

  4. #64
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    Re: Tales from Techsupport

    Welcome to graffes. There are some turds in the field here, but kicking them can be strangely satisfying.

  5. #65
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    Re: Tales from Techsupport

    Quote Originally Posted by Grindel View Post
    Welcome to graffes. There are some turds in the field here, but kicking them can be strangely satisfying.
    thanks for the welcome.

    Day already started. I just had several user set up with desktop scanners. Scanners mind you. This one user who is a complete air headed asks me "does the scanner PRINT in color?"

    me: "what?" {yes i've lost all customer service skills and don't even care how I reply to users now which is bad}
    her: "when I scan, will it print in color?"
    me: "it's a scanner" "it scans, it doesn't print!"
    her: "if I scan this document, will it print in color?"
    me: "if you scan a blk/wht document and try to print to our color laser printer..NO I WON"T PRINT IN COLOR!"
    her: "so if I scan it, it won't?"
    me: {thinking about my resume..etc}

    I am not making this sh*t up either. This is real guys. I've come to the conclusion I've done all I can here and I'm really holding myself back. It's time to go federal job where at least I have ONE title and ONE hat to put on instead of 5 plus dealing with this non sense. Seriously IamTired.

  6. #66
    Mr. Angsty Spice
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    Re: Tales from Techsupport

    federal job where at least I have ONE title and ONE hat
    Ok... somebody's never worked for the Government before...
    I've got beer to drink and You guys are wasting my time.

  7. #67
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    Re: Tales from Techsupport

    Quote Originally Posted by Melcar View Post
    Ok... somebody's never worked for the Government before...
    I have. It's a long story.

    I'm exp enough to know there will always be dumb issues, users..etc. my thing is structure and organization. I'm not a control freak, but I realize there I at least was able to enforce and deploy just that.

    Out here for 10 years...nope. All politics and "culture" "atmosphere"..etc. I've noticed between the two both can be complete disasters, but like I said..at least I called the shots.

    I'm talking from a top management level...director/ CISO level

  8. #68
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    Re: Tales from Techsupport

    Quote Originally Posted by Melcar View Post
    I just thought of an EVEN better one from
    We've had this exact phone system in this Exact setup for 3 years, and a very similar one for the past 7 years prior to that...

    HOW CAN YOU PEOPLE NOT KNOW THIS SHIT???????

    Especially the other Tech - cause we answer each others phones down here all the time. If I pick up your line, it goes Green on my phone, RED on yours. Wow - rocket science...

    Or is that Brain Surgery? whatever...
    LMAO. This is hilarious. lol

  9. #69
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    Re: Tales from Techsupport

    Quote Originally Posted by IamTired View Post
    her: "so if I scan it, it won't?"
    Install Snagit and remove every other printer on their PC. "See, it's printing in color! I'm sorry, but we're paperless these days. If you want a paper copy of your printout it will require additional hardware."

  10. #70
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    Re: Tales from Techsupport

    Quote Originally Posted by Grindel View Post
    Install Snagit and remove every other printer on their PC. "See, it's printing in color! I'm sorry, but we're paperless these days. If you want a paper copy of your printout it will require additional hardware."
    I love snag it. Great tool. I have them all set to scan to folder on the network. That was like pulling teeth.

  11. #71
    Formerly: Mdar
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    Re: Tales from Techsupport

    I had a fun call today

    her: I need 60 comma 60-xl ink. It's for an HP printer. I need to know the price.
    me: Ma'am we don't care 60-xl ink.
    her: it's 60 comma 60-xl!
    me: We don't carry the 60-xl ink, but give me a moment and i'll get a price check on the 60 ink cartridges
    I go check, black is 13.86 and colour is around 18.
    me: Black is 14 and colour is 18.
    her: but I need 60 comma 60-XL
    me: Ma'am, those are two different printer cartridges. The 60-XL is meant for quality pictures while the 60 is meant for more general use.
    her: Well, what's the comma for?
    me: to let you know you can use either/or.
    her: oh.
    What do you despise? By this are you truly known.

    It is only when the well nears dry do we think to ration supply.

    Quote Originally Posted by DmitrytheWizzy View Post
    Mdar posts less than Graffe.
    After a forum update
    Quelian> Oh god how do I get the forums back into title only listings for posts!? OMG THE UNREADABLE
    nadiar-work> I WILL FUCKING MURDER YOU
    Quelian> my job is done here

  12. #72
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    Re: Tales from Techsupport

    The Managing Director of an affiliated firm sent someone in our company a mail today, with a letter attached.

    Or so it seemed.

    The mail proxy filtered the attachment and informed the recipient about it.
    Upon closer inspection, the file removed was named "whatever_name.LNK"

    lrn2attach...

  13. #73
    Mr. Angsty Spice
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    Re: Tales from Techsupport

    Ah yes - Email the Bane of my existence, this is the email I received this morning:

    I received this email this morning, When I talked to <Name redacted to protect the stupid> about it she indicated that she had sent it yesterday morning. Can you investigate and find out why it took so long?

    Signed, Pointy Haired Boss
    Immediately following - I received an email from <name redacted to protect the stupid>.

    This was the last message I sent before shutting down my system yesterday morning blah blah, irrelevant garbage telling me why somebody was in a hurry to leave so they shutdown outlook before the message transmitted from the Outbox to the server...
    And you couldn't have told the Boss that? Instead he has to email me to "investigate" a non-problem you already know about????
    I've got beer to drink and You guys are wasting my time.

  14. #74
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    Re: Tales from Techsupport

    Few Gems from the last few day.

    (I was receiving and error on exchange regarding activesync and one user, so I called him to re sync his phone)

    User: I got your vmail, what's the problem?
    Me: I'm getting an error on email server. I need you to delete your account on your phone and add it again to troubleshoot!
    User: Why is it giving an error?
    Me: I don't know, that's why I need to blow away your account on phone and add it again to see if it stops
    User: What does the error on the server say?
    Me: {thinking to myself} ..."there is no way in hell you will understand this" ..I read the error in technical fashion
    User: I don't know what that means
    Me: {thinking} no sh*t sherlock.


    Another Gem ( I deal with a lot of remote sites/users here)

    User calls in: my laptop is slow, I'm busy, I can't have this happen to me, I'm important...yadda ,yadda
    Me: {I waste no time} what did you install on it?
    User: I didn't install anything. It's just slow, I can't work under these conditions..etc
    Me: {thinking} where is my support rep? Oh he's out today.
    User: I'll be flying in tomorrow so you guys can take a look at it then.

    Next day the user clearly avoids me and hands it off to my support specialist to look at.

    I see the exec with the issue finally that day.

    Me: where is your laptop?
    User: I handed it off to {tech}
    Me: ok

    I go find the tech and he's running malware and doing everything else on it

    Me to tech: Go to my computer, then C: then properties, I want to see something

    we look at the C drive, user has 400MB free on a 250 Gb hd system that wasn't even a year old.

    Me: check music, video's..etc

    exec downloaded all the series of some tv show ..etc on the system. Around 150GB worth and another 50+ in music.

    I deleted it all. I was later admonished for doing it by the "boss man" here. This is after I explained how this is the reason your exec couldn't get anything done. His own doing..not our systems. I was later told "well you don't understand what it's like to work on the road/travel..etc"

    See the sh*t I deal with here. Want me to run the I.T.program , have policies and procedures ..etc in place and enforce them but DON"T at the same time. I was actually told by the "leader" "I feel you are trying to run your own program here" ....I'm thinking to myself "now I see exactly why it took you guys SO LONG to find an IT manager...wow"

    IamTired

  15. #75
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    Re: Tales from Techsupport

    My company, amongst other services, does colocation. A representative for a vendor of ours (they sell electronic vaulting services) calls and informs us that they had lost connection to a colocation server, and he'd like for us to reboot it.

    We have fairly strict policies (SAS 70 certified, yay!), so I inform the vendor that he's not qualified to ask for that. I get no flak, he understands, but is good friends with the customer and he's on vacation. I say that I can look at the cabinet, see if I can physically spot anything wrong, but can't even so much as hook up a monitor without authorization from the customer. Cool beans so far.

    I look at the lone server in their cabinet, and it's obviously power cycling itself. Every 45 seconds or so it simply reboots. Neat.

    We manage to get a hold of the customer, and explain the situation to him.

    Cust: "Well, I'm out of state right now, could you reboot the server for me so our vaulting services are restored?"
    Me: "I think you have bigger issues than your backups. Your server is already rebooting itself. I'll need to hook up a monitor to see exactly why."
    Cust: "Okay, do that please."

    So I do so, disable the Windows Auto-reboot Upon Failure setting, and find out that the hard drive is probably corrupted and Windows refuses to load to "preserve the integrity of the data". I call back the customer and inform him that the server requires, at the very least, a chkdsk, and possibly something a bit more extensive, and he should get a tech down here. His reply?

    Cust: "Sure. In the mean time, could you reboot the machine?"

    Me: "Well, I could, but it's been doing that constantly for the past hour. One more time isn't going to help."

    Cust: "I really need Windows to load."

    Me: "That's why you need to get a tech down here."

    Cust: [pause] "So a reboot isn't going to help?"

  16. #76
    Mr. Angsty Spice
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    Re: Tales from Techsupport

    Cust: [pause] "So a reboot isn't going to help?"
    Wowzers... Yeah, some people seem to think if they reboot enough times it'll auto-majikally fix itself...

    I've had some of our users call up "Yeah, I'm getting this error, so I rebooted, got the error again, so I shut it down again, and I've done that 6 times, and it's still not working...

    Ok yeah - Sure Reboots, can fix alot of minor errors, and it never hurts to reboot... But serious? 6 times? Ok once, is an aberration - twice is a pattern, 3 times is a Trend..

    Sure, if you get an error - make note of the error & what you were doing -- and reboot -- if that fixes the problem, Great... If it doesn't call us... don't keep rebooting time after time after time hoping your "stuck bit" is going to miraculously go away after rebooting that magic number of 18 times.
    I've got beer to drink and You guys are wasting my time.

  17. #77
    No prison can hold me!
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    Re: Tales from Techsupport

    The magic number is 42 of course.
    ------------------------------------------
    I *AM* the Chinpokomon master!

  18. #78
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    Re: Tales from Techsupport

    Another Gem, {sometimes I do get a laugh here and there}

    Remote rep: "hey, can I have my emails forwarded to another email address while i'm on vacation?"
    me: "no!" "that is why we have it on the web, so you can go to any browser to access it anywhere!"
    Remote rep: "I know, but it's a lot easier if I just had it forwarded to another email, so I can see them all there instead of logging in everything."
    me: {silence}
    Remote rep: "hello?"
    me: "I'm still here"
    Remote rep: "I don't understand why you can't do this, the other place I worked at...{me cutting user completely off now}
    me: "have you read the email policy that I sent you when I set up your email box?"
    Remote rep: "yes I understand the...{me cutting user off again}
    me: {in my robot I.T. automated response voice that everybody NONE I.T. hates} "you can check your email online using our web link anywhere...etc" LOL
    Remote rep: "thanks..no problem!"
    me: "have a nice day!" LMAO

  19. #79
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    Re: Tales from Techsupport

    "So, who's the expert on this program"?

    me: Nobody.

    "Well, who do I need to talk to then?"

    Me: about what?

    "well, I'm having this problem..."
    me: Ok, so, what is the nature of the problem?

    "Well, I've got this audio file, and you know how we record our meeting every week, and then I have to move it from the computer to the Network drive, and then I have to convert it to a .wav so I can burn it to an audio CD".
    Me: Yeah, so, what's the problem?

    "Well, I've tried that conversion 5 or 6 times, and each time it gets like 90% done, and then gives me this error, can you come take a look at it"?
    me: What's the Error?

    "Oh, network location\blah\blah\blah out of disk space. -- What does that even mean"?
    Me: It means your server is out of Disk space...

    "Well, how in the hell does that happen"?
    me: We have a finite resource, disk space... You have used all of this finite resource. You've got 5 years of recordings, thousands of digital pictures. 10's of thousands of word documents, Random databases, and who knows what other shit. You are out of room.


    "I don't understand".
    me: How long are you required by law to keep those recordings?

    "I don't know".
    me: Is there any OLD data you don't use we can remove?

    "I don't know".
    I've got beer to drink and You guys are wasting my time.

  20. #80
    Chair warmer, Sector 7G
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    Re: Tales from Techsupport

    You have to talk to technically-illiterate people in simple analogies. Tell him that the server is like a filing cabinet and theirs is stuffed so full of files they can't cram another one in, so they will have to choose some of the files to take out of the cabinet and put into a sort of file storage box like the ones Iron Mountain provides. If he has trouble understanding THAT, then ask him if his Mommy or Daddy are available to speak on the phone...

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