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Thread: Tales from Techsupport

  1. #181
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    Re: Tales from Techsupport

    Quote Originally Posted by Melcar View Post
    Where was the message from the Postmaster saying "INVALID".
    My company automatically dumps those as spam.

  2. #182
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    Re: Tales from Techsupport

    Oh my fucking god... Shoot me.

    "help our printer won't print a document, printed a different one, but when I try to print this one the Printer flashes some Red light".

    Ok, and what's it say?

    "Load legal paper into tray one, or select a different tray".

    Ok, so you're trying to print a legal document in a printer that only has letter paper -- Either change your Document page setup to use letter or load legal paper into the printer.

    "how do I do that?"

    ........
    I've got beer to drink and You guys are wasting my time.

  3. #183
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    Re: Tales from Techsupport

    My paper size is A4 for text, A3 for tables and small drawing samples and A0 for drawings.
    Since A2 up to A00 goes to the plotter, I expect my printer to know the difference between A3 and A4. And not to start messing them up, or even worse, come up with outdated primitive paperformats like Letter or Legal.
    Terry Pratchett: A European says: I can't understand this, what's wrong with me? An American says: I can't understand this, what's wrong with him?
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  4. #184
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    Re: Tales from Techsupport

    My paper size is A4 for text, A3 for tables and small drawing samples and A0 for drawings.
    Since A2 up to A00 goes to the plotter, I expect my printer to know the difference between A3 and A4. And not to start messing them up, or even worse, come up with outdated primitive paperformats like Letter or Legal.
    So wait, it's the Computer's fault when You send your print job to the wrong tray?

    Computers are very literal -- If you specify TRAY 2 -- it will attempt to print from Tray 2 regardless of what type of paper you have -- in fact at that point the Printer will flash up saying "hey dumbass -- Tray 2 was specified, but they also said to use a different size then what's loaded, can you load the correct size cause I don't have a robot arm to do it for you".

    Garbage IN - Garbage Out, still applies.
    I've got beer to drink and You guys are wasting my time.

  5. #185
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    Re: Tales from Techsupport

    Just show them how the single sheet feeder slash envelope feeder works and what the little icon that resembles a sheet of paper means and they will never have to worry again about which tray does what.

  6. #186
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    Re: Tales from Techsupport

    Quote Originally Posted by Alikat Astrae View Post
    Just show them how the single sheet feeder slash envelope feeder works and what the little icon that resembles a sheet of paper means and they will never have to worry again about which tray does what.
    Heh. I have yet to see a printer smaller than a Canon CLC 1180 that has a sheet feeder that works worth a damn. Usually the rubber on the rollers is so freaking dry that they either bind or sit idly in the feed tray.

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  7. #187
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    Re: Tales from Techsupport

    Why do you keep your rubbers in the printer? That would seem to be highly inefficient unless you're getting freaky in the copier room on a regular basis.
    ------------------------------------------
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  8. #188
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    Re: Tales from Techsupport

    It's a low-tech way to make porn though, always keep the copier running while using the platen as a sex swing.

  9. #189
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    Re: Tales from Techsupport

    By the way, I found this flip book in the Copier Room, it's apparently a biology primer....

  10. #190
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    Re: Tales from Techsupport

    Me: System Support, this is Me, how can I help you?
    Other Rep: *thick accent* Yeah, hi Me, this is MoronRep, I have a customer for Product_You_Don't_Support_054, she needs your help logging in.
    Me: *checks the call log, the customer was transferred from my coworker, to MoronRep, back to me* Well, I can't help her, she's using a product I'm not able to support
    MoronRep: Well I can't help her, who do I get her to?
    Me: I have no idea, have you tried asking your supervisor, or getting the customer's information so you can have the right group call her back?
    MoronRep: I don't know what you mean, how do I do that? I don't know how to do that.
    Me: ....


    another call:

    Me: *greeting*
    Customer: Yeah Hi, I just talked to your SalesRep about your remote connection license, after I get that set up, how do I connect remotely?
    Me: *checks the call transfer record, seeing which rep talked to the customer. it's not good* Well, do you have VPN, Remote Desktop, or some sort of Terminal Server set up?
    Customer: Huh?
    Me: ...

  11. #191
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    Re: Tales from Techsupport

    Problematic Co-worker: I need help with my new corporate laptop
    Me: Uhoh *goes over to her desk*
    Co-worker: *holds up an ethernet cable* Do I need to have this connected to my computer to use the wireless?

  12. #192
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    Re: Tales from Techsupport

    Customer: I need one of your lead techs to call me back ASAP.
    Me: Okay *gets their info* What time zone are you in, so that we can get you a timely callback?
    Customer: I'm in the office every day 8-5.

  13. #193
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    Re: Tales from Techsupport

    Quote Originally Posted by Mileron View Post
    Problematic Co-worker: I need help with my new corporate laptop
    Me: Uhoh *goes over to her desk*
    Co-worker: *holds up an ethernet cable* Do I need to have this connected to my computer to use the wireless?
    Answer: "GOOD GOD PLUG THAT IN BEFORE IT EXPLODES!"

  14. #194
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    Re: Tales from Techsupport

    An unplugged ethernet cable is leaking bandwidth all over the rug!

  15. #195
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    Re: Tales from Techsupport

    Quote Originally Posted by Alikat Astrae View Post
    An unplugged ethernet cable is leaking bandwidth all over the rug!
    You know, at the time of those coax ring networks, an unused end connector on an open end would mess up bandwidth.
    Terry Pratchett: A European says: I can't understand this, what's wrong with me? An American says: I can't understand this, what's wrong with him?
    Torcer Arcana: There are times I really love the Dutch.
    Zedd: Bran, I think you exhibit moonbat qualities at times
    ?????????: Never argue with a stupid man, because he will drag you down to his level and beat you because of his experience.

  16. #196
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    Re: Tales from Techsupport

    That's why they sold those little terminator caps with the green wire running through the boot.

  17. #197
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    Re: Tales from Techsupport

    Quote Originally Posted by Alikat Astrae View Post
    An unplugged ethernet cable is leaking bandwidth all over the rug!
    It will let the token out! No more token ring!

  18. #198
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    Re: Tales from Techsupport

    I had a rather fun one a couple weeks ago. Phone call out of a blue from a friend in the PhD program.

    Friend: You got a minute? I know it's break, but I'm having some issues and was wondering if you could give me a hand.
    Me: Uh, sure, I guess? No promises, I don't really have the mathematical background for your area of research.
    Friend: Oh, no, nothing like that. I need to copy some files from a remote machine to my (department server) account.
    Me: Uhh... okay. Where are they?
    Friend: --rattles off a directory path and a server--
    Me: That's one of ours (the department) isn't it? Should just be able to log in and copy to where ever you want, assuming the permissions are correct.
    Friend: Okay. How do I do that?
    Me: The command to copy is cp. Just specify the file source and destination.
    Friend: It's telling me command not recognized.
    Me: Uhh... what? That... that doesn't make sense.
    Friend: Well, that's what it's telling me.
    Me: Is it a windows box? Give me a second...
    --I log in and no, it's a *nix box and cp is working fine--
    Me: Uhh... it works fine for me. You're not doing something dumb like forgetting a space between the command and the parameters, are you?
    Friend: No.
    Me: Weird. Have you corrupted your path variable somehow?
    Friend: My what?
    Me: Nevermind. Try using scp. It's kinda dumb to use for essentially local copying, but whatever.
    Friend: How do I use scp?
    --Explanation of using scp--
    Friend: Says it can't find it again.
    Me: Read me the exact error message it's giving you.
    Friend: Scp is not recognized as an internal or external command, operable program or batch file.
    Me: Batch file? What? You're not trying on your local machine, are you? You have ssh'd in, right?
    Friend: Oh, no, do I have to do that?
    Me: Yes, you have to log onto the server first.
    Friend: Oh. How do I do that?
    Me: Do you have an SSH client installed?
    Friend: How do I know?
    Me: Okay, so you don't. Head to the IT website and download one of the SSH clients, whatever one you use on your office computer and then it'll just be like connecting to linux. Give me a call when you got that done.
    --About ten minutes later he calls back--
    --Walk him through the copying process again--
    Friend: They're not there. I can't find the files or the folders.
    Me: What do you mean?
    Friend: I'm looking on my C drive and I don't see the folder I made.
    Me: Oh, you wanted the files from the remote machine onto your local one?
    Friend: Yeah.
    Me: ...Umm... Yeah, you're fucked then. Going to have to wait til your back on campus with a flash stick. Sorry 'bout that.
    Friend: Are you sure? I could have sworn I've done something like this before.
    Me: Yeah, positive. You probably did *nix to *nix. *nix to Windows is actually one of the hot topics of ongoing research of distributed systems, what with volunteer computing and all. They haven't quite figured out a reliable way to transfer between the two over networks. Something about endian and line terminators.
    Friend: Alright, well, thanks anyway.

    I got another call about two hours later from another friend who works helpdesk on campus chewing me out for being too lazy to walk him through the process.
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  19. #199
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    Re: Tales from Techsupport

    I called Qwest tech support today, three times.... Synopses condensed/paraphrased for the sake of time and space.

    Call #1
    "I can't get the Quick Care client to detect my modem."

    "Blah blah it should blah blah I bet you just love my indecipherable accent blah..."

    "Well, it doesn't."

    "Quick care doesn't have anything to do with your modem, it is antivirus." (Yes it does, and no it isn't.)

    "Yes it does, it is a suite of diagnostic tools to help me fix my connection. It attempts to detect the modem for this purpose. Modem PK5000 is on the list, I have PK5000Z. Could that be the issue?"

    "Blah blah PK5000Z is the same as PK5000, reinstall Quick Care blah blah."

    I uninstall/reinstall Quick Care, still no modem detection.
    Call#2
    "I can't get the Quick Care client to detect my modem. I called a few minutes ago, was told to reinstall, I did, no luck."

    "Is your connection working, can you get online?"

    "Yes. I just can't get Quick Care to detect my modem.

    "Ok, blah blah looks like your modem's fine blah blah if you have problems with your modem you can call tech support." (I was on the phone to tech support, it was supposedly a tech support representative telling me this.)

    "Well, Quick Care is supposed to help me diagnose and fix connection problems. I just need to get it to detect my modem."

    "Ok right now it looks like your connection is working"

    "Yes, it is. Its working great. I would just like to get Quick Care to detect the modem, so if it stops working great, I can use Quick Care to help me fix the problem."

    "Quick Care is not part of the modem blah blah it is security software for your computer." (No, it isn't.)

    "I understand it is not a part of the modem. It is a software package of programs to help me diagnose and fix connection problems. It needs to detect the modem to be able to do this. I just need to get it to detect the modem."

    "Ok Quick Care is not part of the modem blah blah. If your modem is working you can just disable it blah blah. I bet you would have an easier time understanding a blindfolded Stephen Hawking on quaaludes than deciphering my fucked up accent blah."

    "I don't think you're comprehending anything I've said. I'm going to call back and get another representative."

    Call#3
    "I can't get the Quick Care client to detect my modem."

    "Blah blah this is what Mr. Magoo sounds like with a mouthfull of peanut butter blah."

    "I just need to get Quick Care to detect my modem."
    (Now entering Phonetic Mode, that you may enjoy the full impact of my wonderful tech support experience)

    "Okeh ai wi luke ansi eef quikaar kahn deetek yuir mode-eh."
    (15 minutes later)
    "Okeh eet luke lai rai nau quikaar doze-in deetek pih-keh-fi'tousan-zee a' dis taim"

    OMG WHY DID THE FIRST TWO NOT ONLY NOT REALIZE WTF QUICK CARE WAS AT ALL, BUT THEY WERE NOT BE ABLE TO FIGURE OUT THE DAMN PROGRAM DOESN'T WORK WITH MY NEWER MODEM YET?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!11!!ONEONEONE!!!111!

    AND OMG i DON'T THINK THE FILIPINOS AND INDIANS WOULD EVER ACCEPT HAVING TO DEAL WITH CALLING TECH SUPPORT LOCATED IN DEEP RURAL ALABAMA AND HAVING TO DECIPHER THAT HELLIFIED ACCENT!!!!!!!!!!!1!1!!!1!!!1!!!ONEONEONE11!!!!1!!
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  20. #200
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    Re: Tales from Techsupport

    Re: Tales from Techsupport

    I called Qwest tech support today, three times.... Synopses condensed/paraphrased for the sake of time and space.
    HEY!

    Wrong thread usage there buddy -- This is "From" tech support... It's the place for US to bitch about YOU. Not YOU to bitch about US. Go get your own thread. Oh, and smack yourself in the face with a wet fish for me.
    I've got beer to drink and You guys are wasting my time.

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