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Thread: Tales from Techsupport

  1. #1601
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    Re: Tales from Techsupport

    Quote Originally Posted by Alikat Astrae View Post
    You were stationed at the Hidden Leaf village of ninjas? Do you know Naruto personally?
    Knew his squad leader :P

    "With your shield, or on it"

  2. #1602
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    Re: Tales from Techsupport

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  3. #1603
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    Re: Tales from Techsupport

    Quote Originally Posted by FilanFyretracker View Post
    forcing use of templates even if you can do better is the grand proof that management who has never picked up the phone in ever is making the rules.
    Be careful what you wish for.

    Someone said something similar about the whole "never picking up the phone" portion of things to the MIS at a previous job. The man had 2 masters degrees, an MBA, and was working on at least two more degrees in something or other, but he took it as a challenge.

    ...and started answering level 1 helpdesk calls, figuring that since he'd been MANAGING various call centers for years, he could totally handle it.

    He took THREE calls over the next half hour before those three clients all independantly called the people they knew in middle management to say that this "new employee" was enough to make them seriously consider cancelling their contracts with us.

    Middle management had to literally HAUL him off of the phones by calling an "emergency meeting" that they "absolutely had to have him there for" to discuss something entirely inconsequential.

    As they went to the conference room, my boss sent the rest of us employees an e-mail ordering us to take the phones and computers off of all of the empty desks in the NOC so he couldn't just suddenly decide to start taking calls again.

    Quote Originally Posted by FilanFyretracker View Post
    But I have this odd belief that if a person has not worked customer service jobs they have no right managing them.
    THAT I firmly agree with.

    If you're going to manage a team, you should know their work/duties/roles in and out.
    For copyright purposes, all of my posts are covered under the "Do What The Fuck You Want To Public License"
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  4. #1604
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    Re: Tales from Techsupport

    Quote Originally Posted by Alikat Astrae View Post
    I never assume that people are stupid because they don't know what I do, just if they are incapable/unwilling of absorbing more data.
    Then I'm covered. (and FTFY)

  5. #1605
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    Re: Tales from Techsupport

    Customer: I'm getting so frustrated at this. I've been trying to use your site for two fucking days to reset my password and I still have yet to receive an email.
    Me: Which username are you resetting?
    Customer: Bjones
    Me: I'm looking in the list of users for your account and there is no "bjones". There's "bonniejones"...
    Customer: ... Oh. Really? there's typing Ooooooohhhh. Maybe that's why it didn't work.

    Somewhere, some poor bjones is trying to log in and wonder why s/he is locked out or getting reset emails...

  6. #1606

    Re: Tales from Techsupport

    Quote Originally Posted by Mileron View Post
    Customer: I'm getting so frustrated at this. I've been trying to use your site for two fucking days to reset my password and I still have yet to receive an email.
    Me: Which username are you resetting?
    Customer: Bjones
    Me: I'm looking in the list of users for your account and there is no "bjones". There's "bonniejones"...
    Customer: ... Oh. Really? there's typing Ooooooohhhh. Maybe that's why it didn't work.

    Somewhere, some poor bjones is trying to log in and wonder why s/he is locked out or getting reset emails...

    You'd enjoy thinking that, but in actuality, that is the social media manager for the facebook group of BJ Ones, who is now wondering, "oh fuck! Did our members start charging enough over craigist to get 1099'd?!"

    Cue fb memo out to all members," which one of you dumb fucks has been providing receipts to their clients! "

  7. #1607
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    Re: Tales from Techsupport

    We (our program) interface with a third party info-sharing service.
    Our app downloads information from them and presents it to the user.
    For the last two weeks our app has been reporting constant communication errors.
    The error log simply states HTTP 1.1/500 server errors, and refers to the IP with which the app is communicating.
    We provided the error log to the third-party service's developers and said "you have a communication problem."
    They said - for two full weeks - "no we don't" - until someone decided to actually run a test and found out hey, they have a big circuit problem, and they had to pull some circuits offline.
    Except they're still getting the errors on the remaining IP.
    They keep saying "there's no longer any issues" - and yet, my app keeps reporting the same errors, this time referring to their last remaining functioning IP.
    And it's occurring for several dozen customers.
    Now they want us to tell them how to fix their problem.
    Last I checked, I'm not an internet-based content delivery provider.

  8. #1608
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    Re: Tales from Techsupport

    Customer: I can't finish this troubleshooting tonight, I have an appointment in a half hour.
    Customer's coworker in the background: Come on guuuurrrrrllll, we gotta get our DRINK ON

  9. #1609
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    Re: Tales from Techsupport

    Ran in to this little gem today hanging on someone's bulletin board in their office:

    The only way to achieve 100% profitability is to do things 100% correct
    Attributed to himself.


    I really need to move on.

  10. #1610
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    Re: Tales from Techsupport

    What the hell is that even supposed to mean?

    I mean, not only is it demonstrably false (If your company makes incandescent light bulbs that last 20+ years each, you're doing things VERY correctly...and you'll be out of business in no time), it's also one of the more idiotic things I've heard.
    For copyright purposes, all of my posts are covered under the "Do What The Fuck You Want To Public License"
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  11. #1611
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    Re: Tales from Techsupport

    I CAN FIX THIS!

    The only way to achieve 100% profitability is to overcharge.

  12. #1612

    Re: Tales from Techsupport

    Quote Originally Posted by Eremius View Post
    Ran in to this little gem today hanging on someone's bulletin board in their office:



    Attributed to himself.


    I really need to move on.
    What the hell is this guy's position? Accountant 1?

  13. #1613

    Re: Tales from Techsupport

    Depends on what they mean by doing things 100% correct.

    from a business angle 100% correct could mean HP's business model. dirt cheap printers and expensive as hell ink.

    From a business angle they do it 100% correct, They rope you in with the device being cheap and then when you need replacement ink they rob you like you wandered into the wrong part of Camden at night.
    "When you name your baby Jeeves...you've pretty much set up his career for life. You don't see many Hit Men, for example, named Jeeves. "Pardon me sir, but I must wack you now."
    — Jerry Seinfeld

  14. #1614
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    Re: Tales from Techsupport

    Quote Originally Posted by Tinthalas Tigris View Post
    What the hell is this guy's position? Accountant 1?
    If only...

    Quote Originally Posted by FilanFyretracker View Post
    Depends on what they mean by doing things 100% correct.

    from a business angle 100% correct could mean HP's business model. dirt cheap printers and expensive as hell ink.

    From a business angle they do it 100% correct, They rope you in with the device being cheap and then when you need replacement ink they rob you like you wandered into the wrong part of Camden at night.
    You are thinking far, far harder than he did coming up with this.

  15. #1615
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    Re: Tales from Techsupport

    "Mister Shopkeeper, I'd like this on account."

    "Oh, you have an account with us?"

    "On account of I ain't got no money."

  16. #1616
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    Re: Tales from Techsupport

    Tech: So here's what's occurring for the user
    Me: Okay
    Tech: The user's back at her desk, let me go down there
    Me: Okay
    2 minutes later
    User: I'm getting an error when opening the program stating "Number of users exceeded"
    Tech: Son of a shit... I left it open on my computer
    Tech spends the next FIFTEEN MINUTES configuring Citrix to log back into his own computer to close the program, instead of spending the four minutes to walk to his desk and back

  17. #1617

    Re: Tales from Techsupport

    Genius!

  18. #1618
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    Re: Tales from Techsupport

    Quote Originally Posted by Mileron
    Tech spends the next FIFTEEN MINUTES configuring Citrix to log back into his own computer to close the program, instead of spending the four minutes to walk to his desk and back
    That sounds like the punchline of an XKCD strip.

  19. #1619
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    Re: Tales from Techsupport

    Customer put me on hold
    They had hold music instead of muzak

    I realized it was the piano love theme from Twilight
    Okay, I can deal, it was a decent piece
    Oh, wait, it's not ending... it's the same 15-20 seconds from the piece...

    blah, never mind, I'd rather hear muzak

  20. #1620
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    Re: Tales from Techsupport

    Sometimes no matter what they play, they fade it out every ten seconds to run the same "WE LOVE YOU VERY MUCH AND ARE TOTALLY NOT CHEATING ON YOU, PLEASE STAY ON THE LINE" message super loud. Then every third time they switch it up with "DID YOU KNOW THAT YOU COULD DO THIS SHIT ONLINE? GOOD LUCK FINDING YOUR SPECIAL PASSWORD THOUGH, DIPSHIT HA HA"

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